Not Good News

Unfortunately it is not good news! The outlook is bleak!
I am trying to maintain what little hope I can! But it is so difficult!
It seems that this man claiming to be my little ones father has gotten to her mother.
Now her mother is afraid of this man and does not want to "cross him"!
She is now agreeing with whatever he is saying!

All I could do was plead.....no, no, no, no, no! Please don't let this be happening!

What I believe, my agency worker agrees, that this man is related to her-
Maybe he is the brother/cousin of her father; maybe he is a brother/cousin of her mother! I have been encouraged to still go ahead and send her the clothes, dolls and toys that I have for her! This makes me very happy because whether or not we end up together, I bought those items for her, and she deserves them no matter what happens...she is still a 2 year old orphan in Ethiopia! As for the photo album, I have just asked specifically about that and am waiting for the answer!

So what now!?! Good question!
With her half finished room; Clothes hanging in her closet; Stroller in my living room;
Pictures of her hanging in my house; Pictures I carry everywhere with me in my pocket;
My open heart waiting for my daughter; this enormous amount of love I have for this little girl!
What now!?! Am I supposed to harden myself; buck up and move on or do I keep fighting for this/ for her! I can't sleep, I can't eat...I look like shit! My eyes are in a constant state of swollen and red! I cannot think about anything else!

Well....I am chosing to fight and try my hardest to allow myself to leave my heart wide open, vulnerable to this little girl! I cannot leave her; I feel like she is my daughter, she is my child and I will not lose her!

My agency rep will be going to Ethiopia on Feb. 9 she is going to find out all that she can and get to the bottom of this! I am fighting everything in me not to get on a plane and fly to Ethiopia myself and get this shit handled NOW! But I understand that I cannot control everything! The universe has a plan and I have to submit to that plan...no matter how hard it is! I will do everything and anything I can to remain as busy as absolutely possible for the next month!

And you all who know me know the first thing I do when shit gets hard.....leave town!!!!
So.....I am gonna see where I can go ASAP!!!!!