21 Days..........
I did not think that I would write but somehow not makes me feel like I am giving up...
The mind....how it comes up with the strangest ideas!
It has barely been a week and I already feel like I am running out of ideas on how to cope...
I am doing a really good job of staying busy....
Hours at the gym...extra hours at work (I've never been so caught up on paperwork)...sleeping more...getting a lot of work done for my non-profit...cleaning/organizing my garage...making jewelry...painting....walking my dogs.....forcing myslef to watch other things on TV besides National Geographic....reading....looking at every page of each and every magazine...
My yoga practice is falling apart..my ability to meditate has gone from a strong 30 minutes to less than 10 minutes...I simply cannot concentrate!
I even tried reverting back to the way I used to cope-drinking! I went out last night and got smashed...absolutely hammered....it used to work so well! Not so much anymore! All I got out of that was a headache and a reminder of why I don't drink anymore! Yuck!
This is all well and good...the hours of the day are going by faster than if I just sat here but no matter how busy I am, when I slow down even for a moment...my eyes fill with tears and the pain in my heart takes over me and I cannot believe this is happening! All I can think of is Mester!
I haven't been able to seal up the box that I am sending to her....It is all ready to go but I can't let it go! I am afraid once I do I will think of something else I should have said or something else I should have sent to pleed my case better!
I'm running out of ideas....I'm open to suggestions........
21 days to go........
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