23 days and counting....

23 days!!
23 days until there is any possibility of getting anymore information about my adoption; about my daughter!!!

I have been advised to send the album I have made for her. This way my agency rep can show her mother and anyone else that I am real; that I am waiting for her, that there are a bunch of people waiting for her, so excited to meet her and wanting so badly to have her as a part of our family! At this point I feel like I would do anything!

Oh my gosh, I think about the next three weeks and seems too overwhelming to bear...what am I supposed to do with myself? I feel like I am desperately reaching for anything and anyone to help distract me; to help me fill my time..even just for a minute! Even people and things I don't much care for can seem appealing during the most desperate of times. And frankly I don't really care what anyone thinks at this point; maybe I am bugging them to the point of being borderline obnoxious; they don't understand how this feels. I cannot always be the tough, strong, I can take anything person I try so hard to be! There are few times when really I need...and this is one of those times! Again I am reminded of how incredibly hard it is to go through this alone!

God bless my mother as she is bearing the brunt of this! She gets my tears, my anger, my frustration, my confusion, my need; yet she too is dealing with unfamiliar feelings of the uncertainty of her grand daughter that she loves so much yet has not met and may not ever meet!

I don't know where everyone has gone!

I am not as negative as I am sounding! In fact in the last 24 hours I have gained back some of the faith that I am strong enough to get through this and that we all experience hardships, disappointments, even failures...but we all get through it! This is how we learn, this is how we grow! It's amazing how we gain perspective from the most unexpected sources. Thank you , Adam!

For the next 23 days, I am not sure how much I will have to write on here...I am not sure how low the low will be and that may be more for myself to know!
As soon as I get any information at all, I will definitely let everyone know!
Please keep praying.....please!
Thank you!
xoxo

(P.S. I read an article about a family in the middle of adopting from Ethiopia who had put pictures of their to be child on a blog and somehow the Ethiopian government found out and stopped their adoption...needless to say I didn't even finish the article and I was on here getting the pictures of my lil one off here...god knows we don't need anything else to happen!)