It's over...
The adoption is not happening!
The man will not budge....
Mester is not coming!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
This is it!
Wanting so badly for tomorrow to come....
Today dreading that tomorrow is coming....
Just knowing that I would have left yesterday with my mom to meet my daughter...by now I would have my daugher with me. She would have spent the night with me and my mom in our hotel. We would be getting ready to spend our first entire day together. And our day would end with a dinner where I would get to meet the other parents who were there picking up their sons and daughters who also were from Mester's village.....I would be scared and nervous and anxious and SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY!!!!
Five weeks ago that all changed....
Now I am scared, (terrified), nervous and anxious and SO INCREDIBLY SAD!!!!
I have prayed, I have chanted, I've sought guidance from every possible entity that I could! I am so desperate I even sought the assistance of my dad! Leaving Mesters pictures where my dad lays...with a note begging him to help me...to bring her to me! And if he is not able to do so that he watch over her like he would any of his grandchildren and keep her safe!
There is nothing left for me to do now...it is now Monday morning in Ethiopia and by the time I get up in the morning, my agency rep will be meeting with this man, this man who came out of nowhere and has made me question everything!
I don't know what to do with myself right now...I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to crawl out of my skin, I want to run away, I want to crawl up in a ball and hide! I do not want tomorrow to come...I do not want to know this is over....that I will not be able to be with Mester! I don't want the final answer...I don't want to know what this man has said, his threats, his lies...I don't want any of it!
I am begging you god, please do not take her away from me....please, please, please don't, I am begging you!!!!
Today dreading that tomorrow is coming....
Just knowing that I would have left yesterday with my mom to meet my daughter...by now I would have my daugher with me. She would have spent the night with me and my mom in our hotel. We would be getting ready to spend our first entire day together. And our day would end with a dinner where I would get to meet the other parents who were there picking up their sons and daughters who also were from Mester's village.....I would be scared and nervous and anxious and SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY!!!!
Five weeks ago that all changed....
Now I am scared, (terrified), nervous and anxious and SO INCREDIBLY SAD!!!!
I have prayed, I have chanted, I've sought guidance from every possible entity that I could! I am so desperate I even sought the assistance of my dad! Leaving Mesters pictures where my dad lays...with a note begging him to help me...to bring her to me! And if he is not able to do so that he watch over her like he would any of his grandchildren and keep her safe!
There is nothing left for me to do now...it is now Monday morning in Ethiopia and by the time I get up in the morning, my agency rep will be meeting with this man, this man who came out of nowhere and has made me question everything!
I don't know what to do with myself right now...I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to crawl out of my skin, I want to run away, I want to crawl up in a ball and hide! I do not want tomorrow to come...I do not want to know this is over....that I will not be able to be with Mester! I don't want the final answer...I don't want to know what this man has said, his threats, his lies...I don't want any of it!
I am begging you god, please do not take her away from me....please, please, please don't, I am begging you!!!!
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